diff --git a/scripts/alcohol.coffee b/scripts/alcohol.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6bfa04d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/alcohol.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
+# Description:
+#   Needing a drink. Fast.
+#
+# Commands:
+#   hubot alcohol - fetch a drink
+#   hubot ALCOHOL - fetch three drinks
+#   hubot ALCOHOL! - fetch a random number of drinks
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+  robot.respond /(alcohol|ALCOHOL)(!)?$/i, (msg) ->
+    thebar = [
+      "Beer",
+      "Cider",
+      "Sake",
+      "Port",
+      "Champagne",
+      "Table wine",
+      "Sangria",
+      "Vermouth",
+      "Sherry",
+      "Absinthe",
+      "Gin",
+      "Rum",
+      "Cava",
+      "Vodka",
+      "Tequila",
+      "White wine",
+      "Red wine",
+      "Rosé wine",
+      "Whisky",
+      "Cognac"
+    ]
+
+    drinks = 1
+    if msg.match[1] == 'alcohol'
+    else
+      if msg.match[2]
+        drinks = Math.floor(Math.random() * 6) + 4
+      else
+        drinks = 3
+    servings = ((msg.random thebar) for x in [1..drinks])
+    msg.send servings
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/scripts/custom.coffee b/scripts/custom.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..df0c44b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/custom.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+# Description:
+#   Personalizations and stuff.
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+    robot.respond /[iI] love you/, (msg) ->
+        msg.send "I love you too, #{msg.envelope.user.real_name}!"
+
+    robot.respond /say bye/, (msg) ->
+        msg.send "Goodbye, cruel world!"
diff --git a/scripts/dilbert.coffee b/scripts/dilbert.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..af9e16d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/dilbert.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
+# Description:
+#   Retrieve Dilbert comics for entertainment but not profit
+#
+# Commands:
+#   hubot dilbert me [YYYY-MM-DD] - retrieves Dilbert comic, defaults to today's
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+    robot.hear /dilbert me\.? ?(.*)?/i, (msg) ->
+        url = 'https://dilbert.com'
+        if msg.match[1]?
+          comicDateRegexp = /\d\d\d\d-?\d\d-?\d\d/
+          if not comicDateRegexp.exec(msg.match[1])?
+            msg.send("I do not understand '#{msg.match[1]}' as a date.")
+            return
+          url = "#{url}/strip/#{msg.match[1]}"
+        msg.http(url)
+          .get() (err, res, body) ->
+            if err
+              msg.send "Sorry, I can't do that."
+              return
+            rx1 = /img-responsive.*>/
+            rx2 = /\/\/[^"]*/
+            img = rx2.exec(rx1.exec(body)).toString()
+            msg.send("https:#{img}.png")
diff --git a/scripts/poetry.coffee b/scripts/poetry.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..65ce811
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/poetry.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
+# Description:
+#   Poems and whimsical retorts
+#
+# Commands:
+#   hubot read me a poem - reads a random poem from the hit game Interstate 76
+
+poetry = [ """
+Looking out the window of your room onto a wet rainy day
+Main street under a slate gray afternoon sky
+The light on your face is soft and dim under the lace curtain
+And the streets are empty
+In the distance, there is a flash and a rumble
+Clouds sail the sky like giant wooden ships
+On a blackened evergreen sea
+Capped with foam
+""",
+        """
+I'm a storm torrent across a slate-gray sea
+I rush in billowed reflections a fast, fast dark sky over an Edinburgh's meadow's wet
+I bolt white high through snowfall cold
+I am lightning in the night
+I sprint like fire across a match head
+And leap across lakes of dream-stuff
+Over ancient walls
+Past armies fast as fast is
+Faster than quicksilver can fall into the sun
+I, bounding, prance unstoppable to you
+My all
+My everything dream
+""",
+        """
+It's a high pitched sound
+Hot rubber eternally pressing against a blackened pavement
+A wheel is forever
+A car is infinity times four
+""",
+        """
+From where I lie
+The oceans are deep and dry
+Empty
+The sky is black smoke bearing winter's frozen gifts
+It will snow in this land for a thousand years
+And I will sleep under it...forever
+""",
+        """
+My dream
+It takes place in the white room, in back
+The plaster walls echo sounds
+The brown wood floor is cold and solid beneath my brown, bare feet
+This place was a nursery before
+Now it is empty
+Save for the hollow sound of my voice
+""",
+        """
+This window above the Charles
+Wire embedded in cold frames the world
+Across white space to the frozen shore
+I see through curls and eddies of falling snow
+The once green field
+And a birthday on the grass
+A party for three in the Boston sun
+All now covered with snow
+""",
+        """
+Copley brought me to a monument
+Quiet before the crunch of solitary footfall through ice
+An obelisk stands in the winter city
+Its relief tells of a death and justification
+The precipitation of war
+And my own memories
+""",
+        """
+I'm silver smooth
+Bathed ten times a second in an aerosol fire
+Five thousand degrees in here
+I course with electricity from my feet to my tongue
+Where I vomit a torque-delivering spark
+""",
+        """
+It's nicked at the edges
+And leans backwards, almost reclining
+Grass grows in tufts near where it enters the earth
+Its words are worn with time
+And its stained face is drawn long with wear
+""",
+        """
+It's malleable, my design
+Things just bolt on here and there
+Real clean scraped face
+A new gasket fitted and...
+Tightened and...
+I'm done.
+""",
+        """
+She's my girl
+Pearl white, slick and sexy
+Never complains, always faithful
+She cuts the air like a charging buffalo
+In her arms, it's quiet
+Her engine whispers to me:
+"It's gonna be just fine"
+""",
+        """
+They twist like quad-coiled vipers
+Feeding on combustion's waste
+Black as ink and hot as Hades they join below
+Eternally in shadow, unless of course, I roll
+They belt a rumbling and vibrate fear
+Into the bones of my foe
+""",
+        """
+It's not a happy place, between the dusk and the dawn
+Deep below the well-lit and open spaces
+I wait under the under
+For them to come and rip me asunder
+Tearing my core until morning
+""",
+        """
+Glass, flat and forever
+It stretches out and never stops
+Unless it finds the hills whose lines rise to mountain peaks
+Far as far can be
+""",
+        """
+There is a breeze out here
+That filters through the scrub
+Over hills and down through long dry riverbeds
+Across the Texas blacktop
+It cools the skin and brings the most subtle song in the world
+To the ears of those who listen
+"""
+]
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+    robot.respond /(read me)|(how a?bout) a poem/, (msg) ->
+        msg.send msg.random poetry
diff --git a/scripts/pourhard.coffee b/scripts/pourhard.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fa44800
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/pourhard.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+# Description:
+#   None
+#
+# Dependencies:
+#   None
+#
+# Configuration:
+#   None
+#
+# Commands:
+#   hubot pour hard - Grab me a specific beer
+#
+# Author:
+#  John Sullivan
+
+nitros = [
+    "https://www.premiergourmet.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/300x261/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/m/i/milk_stout_nitro_bottle_and_glass_795556920.png"
+    "https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dY-ti2-bBG0/hqdefault.jpg"
+    "http://archive.boston.com/lifestyle/food/blogs/99bottles/milk%20stout%20nitro%20005.jpg"
+    "https://i.pinimg.com/originals/25/ac/b8/25acb809605474e5159d80901efcfcee.jpg"
+    "https://ewscripps.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/4ea7cda/2147483647/strip/true/crop/640x360+0+33/resize/1280x720!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmediaassets.thedenverchannel.com%2Fphoto%2F2017%2F06%2F21%2Fleft%20hand%20milk%20stout%20nitro_1498065114798_61558441_ver1.0_640_480.jpg"
+    "http://thebeerrunkingsport.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/a782b012_MilkStoutNitro1.jpeg"
+    "http://www.lefthandbrewing.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Nitro-3-way-pour.jpg"
+]
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+  robot.hear /.*(pour hard).*/i, (msg) ->
+    msg.send msg.random nitros
diff --git a/scripts/vodkame.coffee b/scripts/vodkame.coffee
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0a8e175
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/vodkame.coffee
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
+# Description:
+#   None
+#
+# Dependencies:
+#   None
+#
+# Configuration:
+#   None
+#
+# Commands:
+#   hubot vodka me - Grab me a vodka
+#
+# Author:
+#  John Sullivan
+
+vodkas = [
+    "https://www.thespruceeats.com/thmb/VdVFs-62QBYWppoUwTdtK8rtw-0=/3849x2524/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/vodka-martini-recipe-760983-8-5b48ffe1c9e77c001a664f6e.jpg",
+    "https://hips.hearstapps.com/del.h-cdn.co/assets/15/34/1439920100-vodka-drinks-cucumber-mint.jpg",
+    "https://assets.punchdrink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Article-Vodka-Cocktail-Recipe-Duke-Martini-London-Giuseppe-Gonzalez-Suffolk-Arms-Espresso-Martini-NYC.jpg",
+    "https://imagesvc.timeincapp.com/v3/mm/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn-image.foodandwine.com%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fclassic-vodka-gimlet-xl-recipe2017.jpg&w=1000&c=sc&poi=face&q=70",
+    "https://cdn.liquor.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/22114757/vodka-gimlet-720x720-recipe.jpg"
+]
+
+module.exports = (robot) ->
+  robot.hear /.*(vodka me).*/i, (msg) ->
+    msg.send msg.random vodkas